The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
