sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
