he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
