Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
