How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize