I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
