Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
