then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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