She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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