I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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