Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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