We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
