Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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