Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
