FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
