I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
