sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
