Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
