Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize