My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
