so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
thus making me awesome and them whores
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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