i jhust puked up my retainher.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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