The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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