You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize