She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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