i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My vagina just clenched in fear
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
