How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
