remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
