I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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