hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
