i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
