I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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