I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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