pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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