the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
