The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
