Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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