1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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