I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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