and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
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I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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