I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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