Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
