True but thats because hes a fetus.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
