What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
