Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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