you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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