The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
