he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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