Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize