I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
