dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
