dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
