i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
