Apparently you make a good broom.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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