My room smells like vodka and shame
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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