it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
