I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
