So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
