I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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