I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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