Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
