So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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