If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
