I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
