she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
