I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
