I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
