Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
