i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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