dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
operation have a gay friend backfired
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
