i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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