I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
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The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
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You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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