Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
