my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
