I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
did i walk over a car last night?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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