Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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