this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
