i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he shaved USA in his pubs
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
being pregnant is like rehab
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
