Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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