So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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