capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
